Things haven't been so good. I didn't get a job i was gunning for, and my "dream job"...well i have been waiting and waiting. Just like being on death row, although it's the second time because that's what it felt like when i was waiting to hear if i was going to be made redundant.
And then i found out that The Lad has a girlfriend. So much for not wanting anyone. But then i guess i knew that was a lie, the moment i heard it. I've heard it so many times before.
I don't have much luck with blokes. I feel so hurt, because i wasn't even valued enough to be told the truth. I know that everyone will say that i am better, that i deserve more. But does deserving more mean that i have to be alone?
I feel pangs of jealousy when i hear the Rach's boyfriend has made subtle hints about buying her a ring, and possibly a necklace or earrings for her birthday. I, i never had anything like that. I was often given nothing, on the grounds that a present could not be afforded (but cans of beer could be).
I used to dream that i would meet someone who treated me like that...
Things all came to a head this morning. I knew that the meds i was on just weren't working. I was crying all over the place, and having very black thoughts. I managed to squeezed in at the doctors for an appointment. I am now on new meds, and she is going to contact the mental health trust to see if my appointment with a cpn can be arranged quicker.
I feel better for doing that.
Lindsay had her baby. A little boy called Marcus. He was very red and spotty, and so tiny. I'm not one of those women who gush over babies!
I feel rather empty.
I have decided to go to Rach's birthday drinking session, even if it means having to face The Lad and his girlfriend...
whilst being (permanently) single
