I didn't feel like exercising last night, but before i went to the gym for the WM class, i stopped off home. I uploaded yesterdays entry, and made the decision that i was going to attend the body pump class after the WM class.

I now ache a lot. I bent less on my knee, which hurt a great deal less, and worked out reasonably hard (i am still not feeling 100% well, with a cough and a sore throat) which is proven by the fact that my arms and shoulders hurt today.

Tonight i miss my body balance class because it's TH2. We are going over to a new house owned by two of the members. It will be nice to see Lindsay and Darren again, and i get to pick up the photos that Darren took at Spoon's wedding.

On the money saving front, i am going to see Spiderman on Sunday (about 6 quid). Oh dear. Where's Alvin Hall when you need him?

I have been doing some reading of other people's journals. Mine is so dull...but at least i have worked through a few demons, and discovered a few things about myself. I am so much stronger than i ever thought i was. I guess that's just one of those things that you don't find out until you actually have to be strong.

And discovering that is worth more than a diarist award (although if you, my loyal readers want to nominate for some award or other...please do so!).

I was watching Oprah yesterday, and Celine Dion was on. Now, i will be the first person to admit that i really don't like her music, but i enjoyed watching the interview. She seemed like a natural, nice person.

Ok, for another revelation. I did a lot of thinking over the centreparcs weekend (one reason why i haven't written much about it) about my attitudes towards men.

I discovered that i don't trust them. I haven't been given much reason (apart from Steve) to do so. My dad lied and cheated and stole from me and my family. My first boyfriend didn't want to touch me, my last one wasn't really terribly touchy feely with me either. My second boyfriend only came to visit me once...i guess they all made me feel bad about myself through their apparant lack of caring.

I was attacked by someone in Spice, and none of my mal spice friends did anything about it. I was attacked on a bus coming home from school, and none of the strapping 6th form lads did anything about it.

Those are the sort of things that you can't just forget, or get over. The only way would be to meet a bloke who treated me with respect, and would be willing to stand up to anyone who hurt me. Sadly, there are few blokes like that in the world, at least as far as i have seen. I have a happy daydream that i meet one, and he likes me and it's all happily ever after.

But it's just a dream.

posted by small 4:39 PM