(first of July - but blogger was down)
I think i'll go backwards. I saw a new psych guy this morning; he seemed to think that a lot of my reactions stem from a feeling a having no choices. He could well be right. He also felt that discovering this could be a way in, and he is willin g to take me on...but not until Sept at the earliest. Good job i'm not suicidal really!

Sunday i went snowboarding. It is so much harder than skiing, and i fell over. A lot. I also struggled with the boots, whivh were simply too big for me. So big that i could n fact pull my foot out of the boot when it was strapped onto the board. This also meant that when i tried to dig my toes in to slow down nothing happened because my feel come up inside my boot instead of it coming up with the whole boot and board. So instead of slowing down i would carry on going at the same speed which frightened me. The intstructor said that i had good technique though despite that, and i would have to think about buying my own boots to see if i could get better.

I might possibly wait until i have really improved the strength in my legs, i found it very tiring to sowboard becaise i have poor muscle tone. I also wasn't keen on going down backwards down a hill! But i tried it and kept on trying despite my boots; and that is what is most important to me, the ability to say i have at least tried!

Now i'm going to skip backwards to Friday. Well, i had my second one-to-one; i've lost weight (not according to my scales! but maybe i was having a really fat day!), lowered my blood pressure and i have reduced my under bust measurement. My hip waist ratio is the same, and i agree with that. It has made me feel more positive though. So positive that Saturday i went out and bought a pair of soft, pale blue jeans from Evans. They were 30 quid, but i know that i really did need a second pair of casual trousers. They are a little big, but i had a feeling that the size below would be uncomfortably tight.

Today one of the girls at work got delivered a huge bunch of flowers. So big i swear it was nearly taller than me! It wasn't welcome though...

I really, really need to cut down on my spending. I like to have an "extra" of one thousand pounds in my bank account at the end of each month. May(or was it April?) it was only 300 pounds, and this month it's 500 pounds. What more can i do?

I've not bought a single PSX game new so far (ok, so i only have 3), and most of those have been paid for with old games, so i'm only paying a few pounds. I will continue to do that. I know that i have a few expenses this month ;Steve is coming next weekend, and i'm taking him out to the Indus Tandoori, and the weekend after i am going for a meal and a trip to the cinema on both Friday and Saturday! nothing the weekend after that, and then i have the drawing and painting weekend.

I think that when i get the next spice newsletter, i may have to restrain myself, and perhaps just book the cinema. I will definately by myself a brochure for Beauty and the Beast on Wednesday.

Maybe i should not save the full 5 hundred this month? Although that said i know that i do need to get used to so much money going. Maybe i should start thinking about gettign rid of my "living etc" subscription? I will keep my glamour one, since i enjoy that magazine and would buy it anyway. And the subscription saves me money.

posted by small 11:08 AM