Well, maybe not perfect, but it would certainly brighten up my day! Those of you who are long time readers - and this makes year 9 of this incarnation of the journal, which seems so hard to believe - will know that I have my problems. But with each down, I'm bouncing back quicker than ever, which is such a postive thing for me. I think i'll never be free of it, that the black dog will always be around, but I have tools to stop him from having control too long.

Sometimes it's about faith. I wish i had more. Whenever i got back to church i'm greeted with open arms, and yet...i just don't have the faith.

Yo go back to some slightly Nerina related ramblings, I've made a couple of friends from the gigs which is yet another postive thing for me. I am so incredibly shy, I have to screw my courage up to use the phone, and yet when i am there talking about things i love, such as music - it all melts away. My musical tastes diverged from just about everyone i know a long time ago, so it's makes me feel more normal when i do meet people who are into the same thing as me.

That reminds me, Joolz has suggested some kind of a girlie weekend, which i should go on. she's mentioned her birthday too, which is a wee bit hurtful as of course she was too busy for my birthday and I only got an e-card off her. But no, this is just inviting that dog to come sniffing around...

I beaded this weekend. I made a really nice necklace for my sister. I want to get some different coloured beads and make it for myself. My mum has asked that make one for Aunty Jenny for her birthday, so i've ebayed to get the beads for it, as I have beading courses the next two weekends so can't make it to the shop. If only it was open on Sundays.

I've only been beading a short while, but i love it so much.

My car got fixed, thank goodness. As the garage gave me 10 mins to do the mile and a half to go and pick it up, i had to get my mum and sister to drive there to rescue my car. My sister paid on credit card, which meant i paid her a cheque to settle up. It has saved me from putting it on my own card, and paying interest on it - but of course it means i can't afford to pay the 130 quid that i wanted this month. At least it's only set me back a month. I'm going to get it serviced next month, and unfortunately i haven't really built up enough to pay for it. It really does seem like it is the car thats now holding me back from being debt-free (minus the mortgage of course). Just about every other bill is now budgeted for.

That reminds me, I'm getting my front garden sorted out, and i need to get some more share money to pay for it. But thats precisly what that money is for.

I bought Birds by Bic Runga over the weekend, along with Speak for Yourself by Imogen Heap and another copy of DFS, as mine is scratched beyond belief due to over playing! i have listened to a little bit of Birds, and i like it a lot. I am giving serious thought to booking a ticket to see her next week. I'm going to wait til after payday. I think June is going to be another tight month. It needn't be. If i was sensible and bought sarnies to lunch, or stuck to jacket potatos i would not fall short. And i would be healthier.

And then i would be closer to being as well as Nerina said i was...