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It's this time of the year when i look back and realise what i giant failure i have made of my life. I coudl sit here and blame it on other people, and in part i suppose it's true. I mean, there's a reason why neither me or my sister are married with a family years after our friends have settled down...i think it's one of those things where when you don't see a happy familly it's hard to know how to do it for yourself...
There are other things too, such as we always had to be happy and smiley and "good". I got drunk once, day my boyfriend had dumped me and i had gone to the funeral of one of my schoolfriends. I was told that i was something to be ashamed of. I think in a normal family i would have been comforted at those two events, and not too much fuss made of the fact that to try and cope with the terrible pain i got very drunk. Of course there are plenty, plenty of decisions which i have made myself, and i wish i could change everything. I honestly would. The one thing i struggle with now is my weight. I truly do not believe that i eat a lot. I don't sit there eating packets of biscuits, or KFC every night. I try and think positively about things i have done. Frinstance my OU degree. I am doing well at that. I do need to get 70 on my exam though to get a grade 2, which is asking quite a bit. But i'm confident that i will pass though, and thats the main thing. Got a tutorial tomorrow, i could really do with a lie in. This is what happens when i don't go to bed at 10pm. I'm going to get my hair cut tomorrow, too. It's too long and is annoying me now! sometimes though i think that maybe i was never meant to meet anyone and have a family so that the cycle of neglect and abuse can stop. Although i then think that i am a nice person, and i do deserve to meet someone and get the happiness i crave, but my weight really prevents me from having the courage to meet anyone... posted by
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Hello Smallkat
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I read your blog from time to time and really like the way you write. You've created an interesting website, which is something I'd love to do and never seem to get time. You seem to do a lot with your life - a degree while you're also working is pretty tough. I was moved to write because I think you're being so hard on yourself, when actually you should congratulate yourself for achieving so much, especially as it sounds like you've had some tough times in the past to contend with. I also struggle with my weight. I'm 32 and not married, although I am fairly attractive. I used to wonder why my love life wasn't working out, but it suddenly struck me that all the analysing doesn't help. You can't really answer why and the process can bring you down. I think you have so much to be proud of. Fiona # posted by
 : 4:30 PM |
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