I can't really remember how things were when i last wrote. Lots has change.d My grandma passed away. Orion and Blondie got back together.

All of which was inevitable. It's left me feeling very bereft though. As Orion promised that we would support me through and after the funeral, and of course since they are now back together i can't seem him anymore. Or talk to him. So i feel very lonely and adrift.

So Blondie won't talk to me and I can't talk to Orion. It feels pretty lonely.

On the other hand though, i am happy that they are back together and are happy. As i love them both and want them to be happy.

I long though for a true friend, sometime to share the happy times but be supportive in the sad times to. Selfish i know, but it's just what i feel.

Maybe i feel jealous that other people get to sleep around, and yet still be loved and wanted. I think it's true what i was always told...that no-one could ever love me.

Maybe it's better that i don't speak to either of them. I think that there is something about both that brings out the very worst in me, a side that i don't like. On the other hand they both have qualities that iwould like to have, and things to teach me to help me be a better person.

I do feel so terribly terribly lost and alone.

posted by small 11:00 AM